Congratulations to ABC News’s George Stephanopoulos who was recently freed from a 30-hour imprisonment with U.S. President and clear and present danger, Donald Trump. ABC News is billing the reporter’s captivity as being “embedded” which is a fascinating way to describe being trapped in the White House while a madman rants at you. Silence of the Lambs is about a woman who is embedded in the home of a lotion connoisseur.
In the wide-ranging interview, Stephanopoulos asked Trump about everything from poll numbers to tariffs to the Federal Reserve. And Trump responded by saying whatever came to mind and showing off a new design for Air Force One.
(It has a bigger wingspan for Freudian reasons but does not have a pod like the one Harrison Ford used in Air Force One, so this is a loss for the nation all around.)
Of the many claims Trump made, perhaps the wildest and yet most in character is “there’s never been a time in the history of our country where somebody was so mistreated as I have been.” Also wild that Stephanopoulos didn’t respond to Trump by saying “Uh, slavery, children in cages, women without access to reproductive health.” Honestly, he could’ve even said “we as a nation did not support the political romcom Long Shot and that’s part of an on-going pattern of Charlize Theron neglect for which we must atone.”
Hell, George Stephanopoulos could have pulled out the nearest phone book, dialed any number, and asked whoever answered to tell him about their life like a Humans of New York post and, chances are, they would have been treated worse than a rich grifter who has a bunch of hotels and skyscrapers with his name on them and is also actually the President of the United States of America. Like, this is not exactly the stuff of great tragedy, my dude.
In the final exchange in their interview, Stephanopoulos asked Trump about Mueller Report and potential obstruction of justice, a sensible thing to ask about as an investigation into a sitting president does tend to have a large impact around the globe. Trump responded with the following statement which one can only assume he somehow means and believes:
The Republicans in the Senate, every single one of them that I see know this is a witch hunt. They get it 100 percent. And that’s what matters. The Democrats are going to do it only because they might think it helps them. I think it actually hurts them in the election. But there’s never been a time in the history of our country where somebody was so mistreated as I have been. And this should never, ever be allowed to happen to another president again.
There’s hyperbole and then there’s whatever this is. Hype hyperbole. Hyperbole Max. Galaxy brain hyperbole. Maybe he’s just talking about presidents? No president has been mistreated the way he has? Okay, well Abraham Lincoln called and he was like “In the words of T. Swift, ‘You need to calm down.'”
Fortunately, Trump had already preemptively addressed that earlier in the interview, saying, “Look, it’s been acknowledged. Although they do say Abraham Lincoln was treated really badly. I must say that’s the one. If you can believe it, Abraham Lincoln was treated supposedly very badly. But nobody’s been treated badly like me.”
They do say that Abraham Lincoln, who was maligned politically and then murdered at a play, was treated really badly. They do say that. If you can believe it. But still, vengeful skinny ghost Abe Lincoln has got nothing on Donnie Trump, who doesn’t even like theater.
Trump then went on to continue his campaign of trash-talking the media who reportedly treat him very badly by… reporting what he says and does.
I had a case of it recently with the New York Times where they’re writing things knowing it was wrong. Knowing. If I don’t put it out– I don’t call it tweets. I call it social media. If I don’t use social media, I do not get the word out… I put one out this morning. And as soon as I pressed the button, they said, “We have breaking news.” Every network, every station. “We have breaking news.” They read my tweet. Why is that bad? And when I’m treated badly by the press– and nobody’s ever been treated badly like me.
It is unclear what the thesis is here, honestly, but the highlight is that Trump doesn’t call them tweets, he calls it “social media,” which is very important. Also important is the fact that the person whose administration hasn’t done a press briefing since March thinks that he doesn’t have another option for getting the word out. Unimportant in all of this is the New York Times story Trump references.
Trump wants us the know, emphatically, that we are definitely not retaliating against a nation that coordinated a cyber attack on our last election. That would be outrageous. The gag is he may actually be telling his version of the truth for once, as the Times reports that Pentagon officials are hesitant to go to him with complete information about Russia.
Truly no one in history has ever been treated worse than Donald Trump, security liability, definitely a flight risk, “social media” addict, and someone who very much needs to calm down.
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